|
Are you still...breathing?
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2007|01:00 pm] |
haha.
www.gogoimages.com
galleries.
gay and lesbian.
:)
it was both fun and lucrative. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 16th, 2007|12:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | love and happiness (otis redding) from the mark wahlberg movie i'm watching | ] |
so, i became a stereotype in santa cruz (if you have questions, ask), and now i'm back in LA.
i have three jobs (soon-to-be two), just did a photo shoot in palm springs, working on a short film (as a PA) in june, writing a play for the virginia avenue project...
i think i'm in the right place.
these two hands were not doing what they could've in santa cruz.
but that doesn't mean that santa cruz is out of my life. it's a magical place.
but when i got back to LA, i saw in the first 48 hours of my homecoming more people who i really knew... than people i even acquired knowledge of in santa cruz.
i'm coming back mid-june to get my stuff.
peace. |
|
|
| a very brady lgay post |
[Apr. 22nd, 2007|03:24 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | it's a sunshine day | ] |
Mike: Cindy, do I have to remind you that when you tattle on somebody, you’re not just telling on them, you’re telling on yourself. And…
The Bunch: Telling them that you’re a tattle-tale.
just looking back on some random journal entries... some mine, some not. life's pretty funny, when you stop and think.
i just had a dream that zach braff came into my living room, picked me up, and put me on my sink and told me something terribly awkward... like i smelled like his mother, or something. i'd love to meet zach braff's mother. or smell like her. tomato/tomato, really. *grin* (Christopher Walken's right).
oh, my... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2007|03:23 am] |
|
you were my paradise, but i paved you into a parking lot. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2007|01:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tempurpedic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Peter Schilling -- Major Tom (Coming Home) | ] |
as i walked out of that hidden salmon-and-blue-colored victorian house, through the back, i felt as if i were in one of those old text adventures in which to the west, i saw a baby-pink and lavender colored 3-story victorian with 4 different sidings and a gable. the path continued to the north and around behind the salmon house. to my south, i heard the sounds of friends painting a room red and grey, for feng shui purposes. i walked around the back and found a splash of sun on the ground. the afternoon was above me, and i sat myself down and lit a marlboro, and took everything. southeast, a brown tabby cat was lurking. i gave him a friendly smile, and he walked over to me, and after doing his thorough homework on me, he climbed into my lap and let me stroke him for what seemed like 20 minutes.
i am not a cat person. but this cat didn't know it.
never in my life has a cat climbed into my lap and stayed there, making itself comfortable. i thought, "santa cruz is the right place."
sure, it's slow-going, as of yet...
but i've only missed home twice since i've been here. and i've not missed connecticut for a millisecond.
i've been here one month, and so far, i have not encountered:
passing a kidney stone
finding out about a secret sibling
severe heart-ache
self-hatred...
i think i'm on a roll. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2006|08:04 pm] |
Good-bye Magic Mountain?
Good-bye Magic Mountain? Six Flags puts six parks up for sale or closure
2006-06-22
By Robert Niles: Six Flags announced plans Thursday to sell or close six of its properties, including the chain's once-flagship park, Magic Mountain, in Valencia, Calif.
In a press release issued after the U.S. stock market closed Thursday, Six Flags announced that it would sell the properties, to either a single buyer or multiple buyers, or that it might sell or redeploy the properties' attractions, to clear the land for real estate sale.
The six parks on the block are Magic Mountain, Elitch Gardens in downtown Denver, Colorado, Darien Lake near Buffalo, New York, Wild Waves and Enchanted Village outside Seattle, Washington and the waterparks Six Flags Waterworld in Concord and Six Flags Splashdown in Houston.
Long-time TPI readers are familiar with our coverage of Six Flags' financial struggles, and we predicted some of the parks would be going back in January. With Paramount Parks already selling out to Cedar Fair, one wonders what company will be able and willing to mount a bid to purchase the Six Flags parks. Real estate sales, alas, seem the most likely result for most of the parks. Magic Mountain, obviously, is the most viable park among the six, but Cedar Fair already has a Southern California park, in Buena Park's Knott's Berry Farm. The land underneath Magic Mountain would be worth many millions, even in SoCal's stalled real estate market, if no theme park company is willing to add this roller coaster haven to its portfolio.
Six Flags shares plunged, losing nearly a fifth of their value in after-hours trading, following the announcement.
Update: A comment I've made in a couple TV interviews since the story broke: It'd be ironic if Magic Mountain were sold off for real estate development, given that real estate development is the reason the park was built in the first place.
Magic Mountain was not always a Six Flags park. Its builder and original owner was the Newhall Land Company, the developer that built many of the communities around the park. Newhall Land thought it needed a big attraction to lure families over the pass from the San Fernando Valley into the Santa Clarita. So it contracted SeaWorld's designers and built Magic Mountain.
How ironic, now, that the park might fall victim to the success of the real estate market it was built to inspire. |
|
|
| whoa |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|06:26 pm] |
so, i'm watching powder (1995) with ashley and i've never seen it before, right? and then we're watching it and powder (aka jeremy reed) smiles or something and i say to ashley... hmmm... he kind of looks like sean patrick flanery... and then i immediately look it all up on internet movie database.
sean patrick flanery = powder.
powder is a boondock saint.
and i want him.
all of him. even if he were an albino, or a black irish mafia hitter, or a suicide king... the more the merrier. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2006|10:33 pm] |
today, i woke up in the upper westside in the arms of a wonderful friend... which was fantastic, seeing as it always is, and because i was waking up from a bad dream. i think i'm finally able to control when i wake up if the situation is dire enough and my subconscious doesn't want to adhere to charlotte's allowance of the alloted time to get the fuck over it. i kissed him on the forehead and was off.
i walked through central park while ripping butts and talking to my mother on the celly. she cheered me up so much, and she was being so goddamned supporting that it brought tears to my eyes. not like the tears that have come in the past few days weeks months years.
as i was coming into new york, on thursday, i was playing sudoku and listening to music that wouldn't make me want to kick a puppy in the face and all of a sudden, this watery discharge sprung from my eyes. and i didn't do anything about it. i didn't move, i didn't weep or sob or convulse. i simply let the tears fall onto the new white summery shirt that emily and brooke coerced me into buying. some people looked at me, but i just focused on my sudoku.
i'm coming home soon.
it's time. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2006|01:31 pm] |
if you have a question for me... i'll save you the time.
the answer is: JUNE 2ND. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2006|05:45 am] |
oh geez. no more relationships for me. i think i should just take lovers or something. i mean, angelina jolie did it for years, and then she somehow got brad pitt. imagine that.
jesus.
on another note:
the only difference between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage.
panic! at the disco... not bad, eh?
studying, studying, studying...
i thought to myself, is it better be preemptive and end ~things~ right before finals? i mean, could i live through finals without waking up next to someone in the morning? but then i decided simply not to go to sleep until i'm off this motherfucking campus... the daunting task of waking up is absolutely so painful at this point, i'm just gonna plow through these next couple of days... on a lot of uppers... and reality doesn't have to really hit me until it won't matter anymore.
this band is cooler than yours |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2006|01:54 pm] |
so here i sit telling myself that it's all going to be okay, and asking myself questions like "how much could it really matter" but my justification or at least my excuse for nonchallance is usually as far fetched as the simple fact that the sun will fry the earth in six billion years, so what does it really matter?
is this what pms is supposed to be like? could i actually be one of those "crazy women" who get affected by their cycles or biological clock? i mean, i thought i could get a break here and there, seeing as how one of my ovaries never really wanted to work well, and my cramps used to completely stunt and debilitate me for hours on end. i guess i used to think i was tough. but now i don't really see the pay-off in being tough.
i'll say it. i'd rather be weak. i'd rather whine, and whimper and cause drama and be vocal about my discontents. i have everything i need. i have love in my life. i have a bed to sleep in, hell, i've got a couple beds i've been sleeping in for the past few weeks. i have food and shelter and comfort and friendship. so, why should i have so much anxiety as of late? maybe it's my drug problem, or maybe it's simply the weather.
i haven't really lived through a traumatic semester or anything. that was last semester. but i can say that this year had better prove itself and fast.
at the beginning of last semester, i was told by a tarot reader two things that resonated with me:
1). sometime near the beginning of 2006, i will meet a man with dark hair and blue eyes who will change my life.
2). the last three years of my life have left me with more emotional and physical scarring than any other concentrated period of time in my life up until this point. i can only hope that this period of scarring is over for now, and that at no time in my life will so much manifest in me in such a short time bracket. she told me that the next three years will be wonderful for me (2006 - 2009).
number 1 has happened already. number 2 is something that i can only dream for.
i've cried so much in the past two days, and i really couldn't tell you any real reason why. i knew i was sinking academically and emotionally and physically. i've also never been through a period of such concentrated illness and disease and sickness.
but it is my dis-ease that has manifested in me, and much like anatole broyard, i am finding myself intoxicated by my illness in far more ways than one.
i just want to breathe. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2006|06:00 pm] |
cornel west came to speak at this "fine institution" in which i find myself.
he began with the goal to unsettle his audience, but he didn't unsettle me. he settled me. he spoke of the melancholy under the earth of new london, connecticut. he spoke of the darkness with which eugene o'neill wrote his plays (i.e., the iceman cometh), and how such a mind was constructed in such a place as new london.
new london is a really terrile place. it's dreary and sad and gloomy.
of course, this is the part of my post where i tell you that i'm reconsidering taking that semester off.
but then, who knows where i'll be? but i'll tell you that as of now, i don't know whether or not i'm coming home.
sam says this place is killing me. and she's right. but she's coming to new york.
i can't live with my mother. if i wanted to take a semester off, it'd be to take a break or a leave of absence only for mental health purposes... i dunno, to find a degree of sanity or something like it, but living with my mother has NOTHING to do with sanity... as least on my part.
my mother can be sane. and she's insanely happy for the first time in her life (which of course means that since she's happy, she has more of an authoritative voice in telling me what to do)... and we all know that she has a great deal of say in what i do. but she can't tell me what to do when i'm in connecticut.
things i know:
my grades are not good enough to transfer to another school right now.
i never want to live with my mother, again.
now i'm going to watch the thomas crown affair. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2006|11:11 am] |
if you want to know how my spring break went, ask. shit went down. i'm alive. good times were to be had.
6:37am
i watched the sunrise, today. second time this week. she looked like a fire coming through the blue and gray industrial and drizzly haze, and through the trees. and as she shone above the long island sound, there grew a faint strip of aluminum pink over the water. the vision a). inspired me to buy a digital camera and b). made me miss home. so, here i sit, watching the sun's warmth battling with the dense blue clouds, marlboro in hand, sitting in my 1986 volvo 740 gle sedan named "murphy" (thank you, elizabeth).
i gambled, today...at mohegan sun resort and casino. one aderal, 40 bucks lost at black jack (after being really ahead for a while), 60 buck kept at texas hold 'em, one latte, one double-shot of esspresso, driving back mike and ali (who both lost a grip of money), and then a drive in solitude with my handy dandy iWhore playing my emotional soundtrack.
and i realize...i'm going home
the clouds are winning against the sun, now. at least, from my angle.
sunday was fan-bloody-tastic, as well. i woke up to a few missed calls and returned them to plan a picnic on the beach, or what we here call a beach, with quite the motley crue of connecticut college kids and their family members and loved ones and their family members' loved ones. (?!) good times were to be had, food was consumed, bowls were smoked, cigs smoked with a vengeance, and all i could think of was Venice fucking Beach...as i frolicked with tracy and collected sea shells in my new white dress.
to catch up would be too daunting a task at this point.
but i will tell you this:
through the cunning use of stephen trask, i've come to realize that there's nothing i can find that cannot be found... because with all the changes i've been through, it seems the stranger is always ME alone again in some new wicked little town. i suppose we're all strangers in our own right... in our own time and place.
i've decided to take this next semester off... because no matter what i do and no matter what proactive steps i take to better my life, things don't seem to change.
i cannot be all of me in this place, therefore i refuse to call it a home.
and everything reminds me of the "me" i used to love and am finding hard to retain let alone grasp.
what i do with the year that lies before me, no one can know, which, of course, excites me more than it terrifies me.
maybe i'll be in los angeles trying to be a movie star. maybe i'll be in new york trying to be an artist or a bohemian with a pack of cloves and a guitar. maybe i'll set out to finish what paul simon started when he went off to look for america.
it's getting light. i have class in two hours.
this is rebecca zoe konstantine leigh I. you stay classy, livejournal. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|11:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | give me a reason to love you -- portishead | ] |
the voices in my head:
good voice: YOU'RE SO FUCKING MONEY AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT!
bad voice: ...but i can't help it if i'm helpless every time i'm where you are...
hmmmm.
in a duel to the death between Jon Favreau (c. 1996) and Piper Perabo, who'd win?
wednesday was awesome. went to class, took a nap, and then drove to providence with three kids (all of whom i adore) to see Under Water 3D, at the imax theatre. apres ca, we were off to dinner at this great cuban restaurant and THEN we met up with some connecticut kids and went to see GEORGE CLINTON AND THE PARLIAMENT FUNKADELIC.
p-funk was amazing.
george was amazing.
good times. thursday and friday were chill. saturday to new york with henry, met up with andrea. went to see ULTRAVIOLET, and although the movie certainly doesn't deserve any claim whatsoever, i will say that milla johovich is ULTRAHOT.
ok.
i need this fucking car. it's about time. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|03:24 am] |
that hockey puck thing that's coming out of the first "O" in GOOGLE...
ummm...yeah, that looking like a spliff. |
|
|
| if you're trying to stay high, you're bound to stay low |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|05:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | matisyahu | ] |
hey.
ladies and gentledudes...what is up?
i went to a matisyahu concert in boston in the snow, and then i smoked a lot of illegal drugs and then i got really sick. deathly sick. but i'm okay. yay!
revised class schedule:
English 223 -- Intro to African-American Literature
Music 117 -- History of Jazz
American Studies 206 -- Theorizing Race and Ethnicity
Religious Studies 319 -- Living a Moral Life
There's no way to express to you how much i love my classes.
i had somewhat of a realization that i will only be happy if i am fullfilling a set purpose, of sorts, and in this instance, and in this domain...here in connecticut, i am here to be a student. until i'm not. but that means...i should be going to class. that is my purpose, right now. and it shall be until i'm no longer a student, here. this realization was brought to you by: influenza; Fyodor Dostoyevsky; and Charlie Holmes, who outlined what it was to have a function.
if a toaster has free will and goes to his parents, or whatever, and says, "i don't want to toast bread anymore. i have the freedom to do what ever i want. i want to dry hair," that toaster won't be any good at drying hair. so that toaster won't be happy.
so, i need to go toast me some bread.
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
Givin' myself to you from the essence of my being
Sing to my God all these songs of love and healing
Want Moshiach now so it's time we start revealing |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2006|09:13 pm] |
just because i don't want to call the patent companies...i'm putting an idea on this livejournal (dated) to prove that this is my idea.
sign for retail on college campuses:
If this were your dorm room, you'd be home now.
(not an entirely thought out idea:)
sign not necessarily for retail on college campuses:
If this were your dorm room, you'd be in hell. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 30th, 2006|09:53 pm] |
classes: (still need one more)
Music 117: The History of Jazz - Mon. and Wed. - 1:15-2:30pm
American Studies 206: Theorizing Race and Ethnicity - Tues. and Thur. - 10:25-11:40am
Religious Studies 319: Living a Moral Life - Tues. - 1:15-4:00pm
yeah.
winter break: good. mostly excellent, actually. i: had a lot of fun; saw a lot of people; smoked many cigarettes; did not die from asphyxiation; watched many movies, including the greatest movie of all time; and...uh...yeah. i did many wild and crazy things.
east coast/
connecticut: alright. whatever. i'm here...i'm queer...-insert something witty rhyming w. "eer"-.
saw my dad in new york. saw my brother and his mother in connecticut. it was weird. talked to her about their relationship (which apparently was going on long before my brother was even an idea). *le sigh*
i guess it's good to be back in connecticut.
last night was pretty chill, actually. after watching the greatest love story of our time, i went to the barn and played music with kids. that sentence could've been better.
my brain! oh, the humanity!!!
speaking of humanity, i'm signing up for the habitat for humanity chapter in new london, ct. i also have an interview to be a tutor at the high school. :)
alright. time to sing... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|05:29 pm] |
Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review".
January: i've been putting off the obligatory and inevitable post-camp post, as it is my last.
February: hannah: you did not break your butt.
March: so it's been about a month since i've posted...
April: having friends has only given me something to fuck up.
May: What is naught but a dream, including that which we may desire, can be so very painful upon waking.
June: You scored as The Student Dyke.
July: i once again was forced to re-read my previous obligatory post-ga posts.
August: there's no need to worry...
September: weird night...last night.
October: in library, not working, reluctantly crouched at the starting line...what the fuck am i doing here?
November: i remember sitting here, in my uncle's chair, typing to people on AIM or posting on livejournal back in the dizz-ay.
December: Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005.
hmmm.
you don't want baggage without lifetime guarantees.
you don't want to watch me die...
i just came to say, goodbye, love.
i missed that in the movie. silly chris colombus. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
beckeyleigh's journal